What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger
I don’t normally feel like the kinda person who longs for change but just sometimes, its the last thing you have left holding you back from a complete breakdown.
Its funny how right when you think you got life figured out, and headed on a track you’re excited about, right when you put everything you got into giving it that last push it needed to get started, that is when one little thing, one sentence, and than one phone call can bring it to crashing halt. And you start to question if you can ever trust yourself, your own judgment, and mostly anyone else with the things that matter to you most, again. Ever. And that is freaking scary. I want to be able to trust the people I love. I don’t want it to be something I have to fight myself to give. I hate that.
I’m realizing and now trying to make myself believe, its better to just not think about the future in that way. There’s no way to know when trust is something I’ll be comfortable or even capable of handing out again. And that’s probably for the best anyway. Its much easier right now to only think about the future as new start and to move forward with all the ways that have now opened up for me to make life fabulous again.
That’s where the change comes in handy, for me this means quitting my job and a cross country road trip to Pittsburgh. Where I’ll be staying with my brother and his family for now. But that is really only the beginning….I’m so excited about everything I’ll be starting in the Spring, after I get back.
2012 is going to be the best year of my life. I just decided that. Time to move on. And that’s a wonderful time.
